In today’s society, there seems to be a lack of family cohesion. As parents, we spend our every waking moment working or serving as a taxi cab for our children. I see parents come into the dojo dropping off one child and racing to get another to a different activity. There rarely is a smile as they race out the door. How stressful all of that hustle and coordination must be.
I never had to deal with that situation. I only had one child and he enjoyed doing the same thing I did, martial arts. Did I get lucky? No. I told Nick he was going to study martial arts, he didn’t have an option. That wasn’t because I was a bad parent, but because I care so much for him that I never want him to be a victim. I understand that I am not going to be there every second of every day to protect him, so he had to learn to protect himself against the predators of the world.
I have to be honest. I also had to convince my wife, Michelle, that she needed to learn how to protect herself too. I can’t say that either of them probably would have chosen martial arts as their “thing” on their own. Nick is a technical and computer minded person, translated as a video game fanatic. Michelle had no confidence in her athletic ability.
If we fast forward 20+ years, both of them have earned black belts. Nick has a first degree black belt in To-Shin Do Ninjutsu and Michelle has 3 black belts in 3 different martial arts! She currently has a fifth degree in Banzenkan Aiki Ninjutsu, a second degree in To-Shin Do and a first degree in in Aikido. For a woman who felt she was too clumsy and uncoordinated to do martial arts she sure has come a long way! Do I feel they could take care of themselves in a physical attack? Yes. Is that the main reason I am happy that they train in martial arts? No.
The best part of them training in martial arts has been the time I have gotten to spend with them. I happen to do this for a living and so I get to have my family come to work with me. Some people might find this to be the worst thing they could think of, having their family around all of the time, but I really miss not seeing them when they aren’t there. Not only have we spent years around each other, but we have developed a common interest. We can share our experiences in the dojo and out. How many times have you had to listen to your child talk about what happened at the dojo and you have no idea about what they are talking about. Or maybe you are the one excited about the new technique or secret you learned at the dojo and you go home to empty stares as you try to share your enthusiasm with your family.
By putting my son in martial arts, I gave him the opportunity to surround himself with positive people who cared about him. These people acted as surrogate uncles and aunts. They talked to him about life and provided positive role models for him to emulate when it came to working hard and being a good person. I am proud to say that Nick is a really good martial artist and can defend himself in a fight, but the best part of his training can be seen in his independence. He has learned to stand on his own and be a reliable adult. Today he is married and earns a great living in IT and lives on his own in Pittsburgh. Was he born that way? No. He learned it in the dojo.
Michelle has become a much more empowered person too. She has learned to stand up and speak her mind when necessary but she also has learned how to control the situation before it becomes confrontational. When she used to work in the retail field this was a priceless skill. She has also become more independent. This gives me peace of mind, knowing that if something happens to me, she will be able to persevere without me in her life.
By “making” my family train in martial arts with me, I have become one of the luckiest people I know. I have a son who excels in what his passion is and has learned enough about life to make good decisions when nobody is looking. I also have a wife who has become a great leader and empowers others every day in the Ninja Rangers and Warrior Women classes. The best thing that has happened is that I have the closest relationship with my family out of everyone I know. How many other people have a son who looks forward to hanging with his parents? He wanted us there for his 21st birthday celebration and pays to travel with us every year.
I truly am a lucky guy. You can be “lucky” too. Decide that you will devote quality time with your family by training at the dojo with them and making each of you safer and at the same time more ready for what life might throw at you. How much more fun and cool would it be to be a “training partner” for your child than it is just being a taxi driver.
